Tieing up loose ends with the toxic friend
Man where do i start on this one. We've all, okay maybe 89% of us have experienced the dramatics and calamity Jane Tv that comes with having a toxic friend. You love them, they may even be your best friend but as a relationship you dont function well. The balance may be all off. Maybe your friend is selfish, needy, self involved, great when you have something good, then completely off the radar when your struggling. Do you have a friend that's a complete attention whore, a control freak, or your rolling your eyes because you've realised your friend is all of this and more.
I'm gonna surprise you by saying the loose end needs to be tied up within you, and it may not all necessarily be his/her fault primarily. It takes two to tango. Did you constantly have opportunities to tell your friend his/her behaviour was inappropriate, wrong, annoying, yet you specifically chose to take the passive aggressive route? H-E-L-LO
Maybe you gave your friend ultimatums constantly yet over time you began to accept how he/she was, let yourself get ridiculously attached to them only to see it explode in your face. I'll tell you the usual, talk to your friend and tell her your having problems, speak of your conflicts cooly and calmly, rather than allowing it to get completely out of control. Accept two things, people are who they are,and most of the time each party thinks their right. Watch out for the friend who merrily accepts all the blame, wants everything to get back to normal...Normal was them taking the piss out of you.
Outline your key points of arguments, have ready not necessarily for them, but for yourself, the things this person has done which make you feel unhappy or conflicted. If your ready to move on, dont hold it over their heads. Just make it clear you need some space from them for a while. Some people make the mistake of saying i need some space, then call their friend up because they had issues with a boyfriend.
The thing about toxic friends is they werent always toxic. Their often charming, charismatic,good fun. Sometimes their the friend who seems to covet spending so much time with you, their sharing their private details so you feel honored being a confidante to someone whose almost like the FBI. Then once the barriers come down you find yourself wishing you hadn't allowed yourself to become this person's counsellor.....WITHOUT PAY. Just kidding, the great thing about friendship is having someone to confide in.Sadly what appeared to be the love affair of the century is turning into rot.
Endings are always bitter sweet. Having cut out a friend in the past i will tell you in advance, breaking up with a friend is even harder than breaking up with a boyfriend, so you better be serious. Deciding to tell your friend of maybe ten years or so that your cutting them out, because your angry, or you've had a petty argument,may backfire on you big time. Be serious. Make sure you know exactly, 100% that this person is not right for your circle. As your trying to grow will they sabotage you? Is there a hierarchial system in your friendship where they feel your beneath them? Is their ego bigger than their braincells?
Then you have your answer. Abitter sweet escape. Maybe they simply get downgraded from friend to acquaintance. Whatever your choice, try as hard as you can do to move on positively.You dont want the bitter stain of what took place with your last friendship tainting the next ones. Forgive them in your spirit and in your heart. This disempowers them, it gives you the opportunity to heal which takes time and move on.
Don't hate yourself if your still at the point where your bitter and resentful about all the things they've done.Channel those angry emotions and use them to motivate you into positive actions for yourself and those you love around you. I'm not going to guarantee you that the next time you see them, a feeling of hatred or resentment wont wash over you. I'll guarantee you that if it does, check yourself, walk tall and confident in who you are. The message is you hurt me, but you dont own me. I'm stronger than anything you could ever try and do.
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